Only Girl in the World

I went to the gym yesterday and the day before and I can tell you after a month of not going to the gym, it is very hard to stay motivated. It's also a mile from my house, and it's freezing outside, so that's not helping either. But I am really motivated to lose this weight (have I mentioned how much? I'm actually trying to lose a whopping 60 lbs! But I will not look at the scale until I believe I've made some significant progress) so I will keep going to the gym. This week I plan to go 3-4 days, even though my nutritionist and I agreed on 1-2 days. I've already fulfilled that and don't see a reason not to do more. I do one hour of cardio each time I go, that's the way to lose weight right? I will add weights into my routine soon, but not yet. It's hard enough to get me to one hour of cardio, and I don't want to turn myself off to the gym by doing too much too quickly. I also had my first experience last night of going to the gym and then eating no carbs after- that was harder than the hour I did at the gym! I forgot to take a picture, but last night I made grilled flank steak (thank you George Foreman) and sauteed vegetables (including spinach, snow peas, peppers, portabella mushrooms and broccoli). It was delicious, but without a carb I felt like I was still hungry after I was finished. I powered through and distracted myself by cleaning the house. In the end I was glad to have made it through the evening carb-free and conscious of the efforts.

Colin actually ate with me yesterday evening. He is very proud of my efforts and has said so on a daily basis, which makes this process just a little bit easier. He ate with me I think to show his support of my efforts. He picked the right meal because it's definitely the healthiest and the tastiest one I've made so far. When I asked if he'd be partaking in the grilled chicken salad I intend to make this evening, he respectfully declined.

It dawned on me in the elevator this morning that it's really important to be conscious of what we put in our bodies. It didn't so much dawn on me as slap me in the face- a woman had a bag of McDonald's breakfast that literally smelled disgusting. I'm not hating on her, maybe that's all she had time for this morning, but it made me think, if something smells that bad when it's "freshly cooked" then it cannot be good to ingest it. I won't lie, I used to love McDonald's breakfast, but I will not be eating there anytime in the near future. I'm beginning, just beginning, to enjoy some of the foods I'm eating now. I always enjoy my oatmeal for breakfast. My dietitian suggested that instead of buying the pre-flavored oatmeals that I add my own organic flavors. Now I add cinnamon, honey and dried cranberries. Now that is a delicious breakfast when I eat a handful of almonds afterwards. To ward off binging at lunch I've been having a small snack of sliced apples or edamame or more almonds about an hour before I eat lunch. I don't want to prematurely say anything, but I physically feel better each day.

I also realize that I am doing this for more reasons than just diabetes. I do not like the way I look right now. I do not like not being able to fit into certain clothes. I do not like being overweight and right now that is how I feel. It doesn't matter what people tell me or say, I feel how I feel. But now I realize this is for more than just diabetes, it's for me to look better. Shallow? maybe. Vain? sure. But this about me and my feelings and I'm taking back control.

Song of the Day: Vietnam- Daft Punk